Reasons to Smile

Believe it or not, we did do something other than take pictures of Anna this weekend. She just provided so many photo opportunities. She also provided many opportunities to lose our patience. Anna wasn't herself these last two days; not only was she super clingy, she was just plain defiant, and EVERYTHING was going in her mouth, including cardboard toilet paper rolls, crayons, pieces of chewed books, and I don't know what else. Despite the tiresome behavior, we all had some fun this weekend.

We took a drive Saturday morning and made a stop at our favorite wine shop. It was Anna's second trip to Morgan and York, and again, she dove right into the cheese tasting. We had snacks and left with a mixed case of wine, a purchase we've needed (wanted) to make for a while. Our wine inventory was nearly gone. Later, we found an indoor pool in Ann Arbor and took Anna for a brief winter swim. It was brief, because upon immersion Anna's lips flushed purple and her bottom lip quivered through her smiles. It was cold, but she welcomed splashing, floating, and jumping in the water. Blake and I crashed out at 9pm, due in part to the swim, I'm sure.

Relishing the water play.

Today we lazed around the house in the morning. Anna's recent obsession with boots (baaboos) was in full swing. She insisted on wearing my black mid-calf heels, which she absolutely could not stand up in. When I took them off, I had to offer something else, so we found her summer sandals, a close second...for a while. Later she wore her new UGGS, her snow boots, and her slippers. I swear I have done nothing to contribute to this shoe fetish!

Attempting to stand in my boots...an impossible photo to capture, but too funny not to post!

Modeling her sandals?

This afternoon we actually looked at a potential new house. We've been dreaming and browsing the real estate listings for months, hoping to find a home that we'll want to stay in for a LONG time. We were hopeful that this timber frame construction would be it, but we were unfortunately disappointed. For whatever reason, after returning home from our trip, Anna's mood lifted and she entertained us with her silly behavior.

I just missed Anna sliding along the floor on her belly...maybe soaking up the warm sun in the window?

Just another thing she was chewing on today, corner covers on the coffee table.

Playing peek-a-boo with her bib after dinner.

Blake worked his butt off in the kitchen today as well - my weekend chef I'm calling him now. After dinner, as I rocked Anna and put her to bed, he whipped up Julia Child's Pots de Creme AGAIN. I'm just finishing my very decadent dessert with a glass of red from our new collection as I type. So many reasons to smile this weekend!

Mommy Confidence

A while back I was on the phone with one of the nurses at our pediatrician's office asking some question, probably multiple questions, that I can't remember now, but I'm sure they felt urgent at the time. I talked to this particular nurse a lot in the first few months of Anna's life. It's fair to say that she knows me pretty well now. During our conversation, she felt moved to tell me that she didn't feel truly confident as a mom until her oldest child was seven or eight years old. I was surprised and also a bit comforted to know I was not alone, which, I imagine, was precisely her goal in sharing this information with me.

I've read a number of blogs and had a number of conversations over the last month or two that have me thinking about this today. It's apparent that most of us, at one time or another, feels less-than-confident in our role as mother. Why wouldn't we? Being a mom (or a dad) is a tough job. Not only is it hard physical and mental work, it is emotionally intense. Love doesn't even begin to describe the depth and breadth of our feelings for our children. We do nearly anything to ensure that they are protected and given opportunities to learn, to grow, and to feel a sense of peace, fulfillment, and happiness. We strive to be good parents, and we sometimes question ourselves, particularly when we're doing it all for the first time. It seems like too often we (me, specifically) are striving to not just be a good parent, but rather, to be the perfect parent. Obviously, there is no such thing.

Today was one of those times for me - I was questioning a number of things we're doing or not doing, wondering how it is impacting Anna, hoping we're doing the best thing for her, and generally not feeling totally confident about it. After talking about my concerns with Blake and getting my reality check (he reminded me that she is happy, healthy, and thriving), I felt a bit better. It also helped to remind myself of something that I learned from my coach training and always, always, always held in the forefront of my mind while coaching: each and every one of us is unique and has an infinite array of variables impacting us, even from moment to moment. We're all so different...I think most of us can be confident that we're doing our best with what we're given, and we can be confident that that is good enough.

My phone calls to the doctor's office are much less frequent these days; in fact, the receptionist commented the other day about how she hasn't talked to me in ages. I hope this is a sign that my confidence is growing. It may not being growing as quickly as Anna is, but it is growing!

MOX

I have few keepsakes from my childhood other than photographs: a Fisher Price Happy Apple; a set of white corrective baby shoes; a totally 70's kid's t-shirt with a screen print photo of me on the front, a well-worn pine rocking chair that holds Anna and I every day and night; some stuffed animals and dolls; and a pair of toddler-sized overalls, which have the letters of my maiden name, M-O-X, stamped across the chest. I'm not sure what is so special to me about these heirlooms, but I treasure them as if they are the actual memories they inspire. Maybe it's their connection to the past, to history or our story. Maybe it's their ability to bring back feelings of happiness and safety. Each item has it's own story, too.

My mom unearthed the overalls shortly before we conceived Anna. I think she discovered them again in her quest to organize old photos prior to my sister's graduation. I welcomed the tiny conductor-like outfit, eager to have something from my childhood and something to pass along to my future son or daughter. Interestingly, I was taking a writing class at the time that required me to write an essay inspired by an old photo. I dug through boxes of old photos just a few days after I acquired the overalls, searching for a picture to inspire me. Of course, I happened upon a picture of me, my mom and my dad with those overalls flung over my shoulder. I'd seen this photo countless times before, but I'd never noticed my clothing, or lack thereof, until that day. That photo became the subject of my essay.

The overalls are barely visible, as I am not actually wearing them, although it appears that I had been at some point. A brick red turtleneck covers my torso and the striped uniform is thrown over my shoulder. I am holding one of the straps in my right hand, gripping the rest of the denim with my left, the legs cut off by the bottom edge of the photo. It’s almost as if I grew tired of being clothed, so I ripped them off to run free in my diaper. I do look busy in the photo, even in the midst of posing for it. A sliver of the pine rocking chair that also deserves a post even peeks out from behind my dad's left side. I was just over one year old then.

Anna, at over 18-months old, wore the overalls last week. For some reason, I thought they'd be too big for her until recently. They were actually a bit short on her, but definitely roomy enough around. She's much slimmer than I was as a toddler and probably much taller as well. I snapped a bunch of pictures of her wearing the outfit, but the one below is by far the best. What an amazingly adorable pout!

By the way, I was going to post the old photo of me as well, but our scanner is broken. After too much time trying to figure it out, I gave up.

Book Club

I finished this book last night, and I'm feeling sad that I won't be opening it when I climb into bed this evening. Any description of the book I could write would not do it justice, so I'll just say...if you haven't read it, read it.

This was one of those books that moves my goal of joining (or starting) a book club up to the top of my priority list. (It's also been moving up lately because I just plain miss having quality time with girlfriends). I ached to talk to someone else about so many aspects of this story. So, does anyone have any suggestions for finding a book club to join or for starting one from scratch?

Busy Girl

Anna is one busy little girl these days. She moves from one thing to the next, occupying herself with pretend cooking, rocking on her horse, driving her car to Boston, talking on the phone, and wearing her boots as often as possible. She narrates much of this with endless chatter as well. I've snapped too many photos of our little charmer lately and just had to post some.

Cooking in her adorable chef's hat and apron from Grandma and Grandpa Mox

Since last Sunday, Anna has spent time with two aunts, one uncle, two Grandpas, and three Grandmas. She is rather enamored with family members at the moment, repeatedly asking to call or Skype Papa or Mo. I think she's charmed the pants off of most everyone lately. The other day she confiscated my phone and walked around with it glued to her ear. She was talking to Papa, of course.

Driving her car and talking to Papa.

Talking to Papa...again.

Exercising Non-Judgment

One of the goals I've set for myself this year is to exercise at least three times per week. I envisioned that this would include one night of Spinning, a run or two, and/or a yoga/strength training session. As I was running yesterday, I was thinking about this post, thinking that I wanted to write about how I'm incorporating this exercise into my stay-at-home mom day and how Anna is actually enjoying yoga.

What came up for me as I was thinking about this? I noticed a little bit of self-judgment. I noticed some embarrassment. I noticed a little reluctance to write about it, I guess because I'm the girl who exercised 5-6 days per week for much of my life. It is and always has been my main route toward sanity. Before Anna, I couldn't imagine NOT finding time to exercise. Now, three days per week is an accomplishment, and I feel pretty darn good if I can fit in three workouts. Yet, that little gremlin in the back of my mind whispered all kinds of silly reasons that I shouldn't write about this modest, yet realistic, goal.

As a result of my mental chatter, I decided I need to exercise more than just my body. I also need to exercise non-judgment--more than three times per week. Interestingly, a coach is nonjudgmental almost by definition. We are trained to regard people are capable, creative, and complete, and I easily approached my clients and their goals with this open mind and sense of curiosity. It's not quite so effortless when it comes to myself, or even the people I'm closest to. We meet with more scrutiny.

So, in addition to physical exercise, I am exercising my ability to just notice, observe, and feel without labeling things, events, others or myself as "good" or "bad." This takes practice, and I challenge you to try it too...even if it's just for a few hours, pay attention to your internal and external chatter. What if we ask a question rather than make a statement? What if rather than saying, "That's bad," we ask, "What is another perspective?" What if we're just present for the moment rather than attempting to change it? What if we just say "Hmmm...that's interesting," and let go of our opinion about it? Just some things I'm thinking about today.

And, by the way, I have achieved my goal the last couple of weeks; however, success looks a bit different these days. It's been helpful to stay open to a new definition of exercise. Last week I pulled out the yoga mats with Anna. I was surprised by how much she enjoyed it. Although it wasn't exactly a Zen experience, I managed about 30 minutes of a 60 minute yoga workout while Anna crawled under my downward facing dog, patted my arched cobra back, and rolled around on her own yoga mat. I completed the other half of the workout after Anna went to sleep. We're definitely going to do yoga together again!

Girls, Girls, Girls

So, IF there's ever a boy born into the Mox-Kirker-Richards clan, he will be greatly outnumbered. Ellie, Josie, Anna, and now...

Uncle Chris and Aunt Amy welcomed a beautiful baby girl yesterday! Allison Ann arrived 10 days early, and everyone is healthy and happy.

Congratulations Chris, Amy, and Allison. We can't wait to meet you!

The Best Smile Ever

Anna initiated a game of hide-and-seek behind the curtains on Sunday. It made for some pretty adorable photos.

Zucchini-Carrot Bread

The bread was already well-eaten before I got around to taking a photo.

I've mentioned that Anna is refusing vegetables. So, I'm searching for ways to incorporate them into foods I'm pretty sure she'll eat. I adapted a couple of zucchini bread recipes to get this one that turned out well enough to surprise me.

Zucchini-Carrot Bread

1 egg

1/2 cup canola oil

3/4 cup sugar

1 cup grated zucchini

1 cup grated carrot

1/2 cup applesauce

1 tsp vanilla extract

3/4 cup all purpose flour

3/4 cup whole wheat flour

1 1/2 tsp cinnamon

dash of nutmeg

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 cup raisins (or chocolate chips or dried cranberries and/or nuts)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a loaf pan.

In a large bowl, beat the eggs. Mix in oil, sugar and applesauce. Stir in zucchini, carrot, and vanilla.

In a separate bowl combine dry ingredients. Stir this into the egg mixture. Stir in raisins until combined. Pour into loaf pan.

Bake for 45-60 minutes. Bread is done when a toothpick inserted into the middle comes out clean.

Play Dough

While Daddy watched the Vikings win their football game this afternoon, Anna and I made homemade play dough. It was simple, messy, and tons of fun...after she agreed to stop eating the the little balls of salt. I decided to taste it after she had a few bites and pronounced it "Nummy!" Needless to say, it was just plain gross. I think her palette needs some refining.

Mixing up the dough.

Who, me? I didn't eat the dough.

Playing around.

We made a dog, a snowman, and a cat, none of which held her interest for too long. Most enjoyment came from making the dough into many little balls, throwing them into a bowl, taking them out again, and carrying them all around the kitchen for at least 20 minutes (dropping little creamy pellets in her wake). She finally relinquished the balls when she spotted a banana on the counter, and I declared it snack time.

Simple Play Dough Recipe

1 cup all purpose flour

1/4 cup salt

1/4 - 1/2 cup water

Mix flour and salt together. Add enough water to reach desired consistency as you knead the dough. Play!

Dough balls and Daddy's legs.

Long Weekend

It's a long weekend for us. Blake has the day off on Monday. The weekends always feel exponentially longer when he has one extra day at home. We have very little planned for this weekend, and I love that.

We still managed to make it a full day today; it was fun and productive. Blake took Anna to the park while I went for a run. I luxuriated in the shower while Anna took a good nap. We took down the last of our Christmas decorations inside and out, hung a picture, and baked zucchini-carrot bread. Uncle Chris and Aunt Amy came for a visit, just days away from their due date. Somehow I forgot to snap a picture! And, Blake cooked a delicious Soupe Au Pistou from Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking. It was an amazingly simple, yet elegant pesto-infused soup. We've attempted a couple of recipes from her books so far, and we've enjoyed them all, especially the Pots de Creme that he surprised me with last Friday night. Chocolate, cream, eggs, and liquor...yes, I was in heaven.

Football is on the agenda for tomorrow, maybe a trip to the mall or the bookstore to return some Christmas gifts, and who knows what else. We'll see what tomorrow brings. And, after tomorrow, we'll still have another day to play!

Excuse Me

A hodgepodge of Anna's antics, exclamations, and quirks of late:

Anna with her new favorite thing, a nail buffer/foot file.

Apparently there is enough, um, flatulence in this family that Anna has learned to say excuse me every time she toots. Not only does she say it, she sings it. "Myyyeeee!" She only gets out the last half of the phrase, but she says it with such enthusiasm.

Other things Anna sings these days: The word "Hero!" I guess she heard Blake and/or I sing "Holding Out for a Hero" by Bonnie Tyler too many times (yes, the Footloose soundtrack plays on our iTunes shuffle). "Do, Re, Mi." I reintroduced this song to her recently, and she can't get enough of it. She loves to repeat each sound after me. And, words and phrases that I cannot comprehend but they are very high pitched and sing-songy.

Anna is fixated on family members lately, often asking to call Mo or Papa on the phone. She will also, at random, point to photos of Julia Child or Giada found on our cookbooks and exclaim "Amy!" Aunt Amy doesn't look like either one, but maybe she sees a resemblance we cannot?

Anna is in an attach-myself-to-a-bizarre-object-and-carry-it-around-all-day-stage. She's holding onto strange items lately, including a rubber ducky dug out of the bathroom cupboard that we'd forgotten about, my pajama bottoms, a price tag sticker, an old purse, a nail file, and spices of any kind.

Anna with one of her duckies after her bath tonight. It must feel good on her budding molars; we couldn't get her to take it out of her mouth without a fight.

Despite all the new toys and a stocked toy kitchen, Anna still loves to dig around in our cupboards. Lately her favorite places are the spice cabinet (see above objects of affection), the plastic-ware cupboard (we received new storage containers for Christmas), and the pot/pan cupboard, where her favorite item is a mesh strainer.

In the last month or two, Anna has been refusing almost EVERY vegetable available for consumption. This deserves a post of its own, but for now...it is rather bizarre and comical how a child who previously ate everything under the sun including kale, chard, onions, curry, tomatoes, peppers, and you name it, will nearly vomit if a sliver of carrot gets in her mouth. Yet she'll devour salmon, beans of any kind, stinky cheese, and quinoa.

Anna's been laughing hysterically at my doggie-puppet show, which includes a sleeping puppet being woken by Anna, acting surprised, asking for a snack, and digging crazily into an empty box of Elmo crackers usually riding in her grocery cart. We have to do this again and again and again.

Anna has two little white buds poking out under nasty looking, swollen, and sometimes bloody gums. Two molars are finally coming in. As tired as she is, she continues to have such a sense of humor.

Rashy and tired from all the teething.

Blake's Perfectly Cooked Pasta

So, it turns out we've been cooking pasta wrong all along. For as much cooking as we do, I'm surprised we didn't discover the "secret" a while ago. It's not really a secret; Blake searched the web for pasta cooking instructions in preparation for a delicious Ragu he was making for Christmas. The sauce recipe was straight from an Italian Grandma, so the pasta had to be done right!

Here is what he found (taken straight from Blake's mouth and typed by his hands):

When cooking pasta follow these simple steps to ensure perfectly cooked pasta (we are, admittedly, still perfecting this).

We bought this 12-Quart pot recently. A perfect "big pot" for pasta.

1. Important: Use a big pot with a lot of water...preferably 5-6 quarts per pound.

2. Season with a significant amount of salt, up to 2TBsp's per pound (please put salt in after water is boiling) This really surprised me!

3. As soon as you drop the pasta in the water, stir pasta for one minute.

4. Cook pasta until just before your desired level of al dente.

5. Important: Once the pasta is ready for draining, transfer immediately to your sauce to finish the cooking process for 1-2 minutes, the pasta will absorb some of the sauce as it finishes cooking to the "perfect" al dente.

Pause

I don't watch the news, and apparently I don't watch enough television to catch the news during commercials. It's not that I desire to be ignorant of local, national, or world events; rather, it's a form of self-preservation. I find it nearly impossible to filter the excessive amount of negative information put forth by the media, and I tend toward anxiety (that may be putting it mildly), so it's really not good for me or our family. Unfortunately, I often miss things that I think are important to know about, like the earthquake yesterday in Haiti.

I learned about the earthquake from Dooce and my cousin's blog. After reading their posts, I searched and found a NY Times article reporting on the disaster to get a little more information. So many emotions came over me as I read; grateful, guilty, sad, confused. I know things like this, or unlike this but similarly devastating, happen EVERYDAY around the world and even here at home, but it's hard to comprehend how one nation suffers so much all the time.

Anyway, I have a post about Anna I've been itching to write, and I had a foodie post all ready to go today, but I just couldn't bring myself to put them up. I don't often record what is going on in the world around us, and today, it felt that I needed to pause to do so. A coaching question came to my mind: What can we (I) learn from this? I can't speak for anyone else, so I encourage you to ask yourself that same question.

For me the list is long, so here are a just a couple of the things that come to my mind.

Devastation such as this always brings perspective. I'm reminded of how blessed I am, and I feel so grateful for what I've been given, for the life we have here that I so often can take for granted.

I also learn a little bit about control. There's so much we just don't have control over, which can be pretty scary. AND, there's a lot we can control. I need to stay focused on the latter. I can't stop an earthquake, but I can donate money to help aid and support. I can send positive energy, thoughts, and prayers to those suffering in Haiti. I can take some time to learn even a little bit about Haiti and the poverty and insurrection its people encounter everyday.

I learn a lot about myself, too and about how I want to be as a parent. Someday, I hope that Anna's heart will go out to people suffering from similar disasters, because she witnessed our hearts opening. I hope that she will want to do something to help, because she saw us doing something to help.

There are countless ways to help. We have helped by donating to Partners In Health (PIH). I linked to Chris Sacca's blog through Dooce, which turned me on to PIH, and it outlines some of the other options.

Books We Love, January 2010

We read a lot of children's books around here. Anna fell in love with stories early on. I think she must have been about six months old when she started turning the pages with such passion that it would make us laugh. I've been meaning to start a regular post about Anna's favorite books so we'll be able to look back and see what made the top of her list.

An Old Favorite

We read Anna a variety of stories even before she was born, and we fell in love with Oh, Baby, the Places You'll Go!: A book to be read in Utero. This rhyme that features almost every Dr. Seuss character imaginable became our nightly read, with Blake and I taking turns. I couldn't make it through the final page without tears. By the time Anna arrived, we had it memorized. In the hospital when she had difficulty nursing and couldn't stop crying long enough to latch on, the nurse suggested singing her a song that might soothe her. We ended up reciting this story, and it calmed her immediately. Months later, after Anna graduated to turning pages of board books, this one hit the shelf for a while. She's pulling it out now and again, and when she does, I still tear up on the last page.

A New Favorite

I bought Maddie Moonbeam's Garden after stumbling upon it on a coaching website. This inspirational story has a powerful message about self-acceptance that I couldn't resist. I figured it would sit on the shelf until she was a little bit older, but we pulled it out one day a couple of weeks ago, and Anna has been obsessed since. She loves Maddie Moonbeam and will, at random, let us know she's thinking about her by saying "Boom-mmmm," mixing up the sounds and letters. She seems to grasp that Maddie has different emotions, pointing out her face when she is particularly happy and sad. I'm glad we have this one in our library.

Spontaneity

We planned nothing this weekend, except for one dinner, which we ended up eating a night later than we expected. Despite having no plans, we found much to do and had a lot of fun.

On Friday I debated heading to bed at 8:30pm, but Blake convinced me to watch The Hangover, a movie I didn't anticipate staying awake for. We surprised ourselves by making it through the entire movie. At times I couldn't decide whether to laugh or cringe at the over-the-top humor, but I really enjoyed it, either way.

Saturday morning's impromptu run meant the day couldn't be bad. After Anna's nap, we tossed around a lot of ideas for things to do, and as we were getting ready to head to the store, Aunt Kaity called to see if we wanted to get together in Ann Arbor. We decided to explore The Arb with Anna and a sled.

All bundled up...it was VERY cold!

I think Blake was tired of me telling him to stop so I could snap photos.

Anna and Aunt Kaity on the trail.

As we headed out of the Arb after a good hour in the cold, someone mentioned Pizza House (I'm pretty sure it was Kaity, but she didn't have to twist our arms), so we decided to put our burgers on hold and head out for pizza and breadsticks. We left the restaurant warm, full, and happy.

The cold air must have tired us out, because our eyes were closed by 9:45pm on Saturday night. They didn't open again until 5:45am this morning. A full night of sleep! This morning we lounged around, planned our week's meals, Anna took a nap, and then we left. We had lunch at Whole Foods and drove to Cabela's, the store we abandoned on Saturday. Although we thought we might find the backpack we've been eyeing, we really just wanted to take Anna to see the fish in their aquarium. She was intrigued, but she seemed to have more fun running through the racks of coats, looking at price tags, and pulling things off shelves. Shopping IS fun!

Now, Anna is asleep and it's time for clean up, finishing the grocery list, and a little reading before bed.

Thoughts Running Together

Wake up on the wrong side of the bed?

"Go for a run," he said.

OK!!

It's 13 degrees and feels even colder...

Just do it.

Sun. Bluest of blue skies. Glittery, sugary white crunching under foot.

Can't sense the cold;

I see only each step.

Down slippery slopes, around frozen puddles, footprints in the snow.

Silence.

Fresh, frigid air stilling my runny nose.

Braving the elements,

I CAN. I WILL. 

Alone at last.

Missing this. 

Thoughts. Running. Together.

Wondering, 

Deciding.

Asking for a running buddy for evening escapes.

Back home,

On the 'right' side of the bed.

Ready for anything.

What moves you to the 'right' side of the bed?

Technology and Stats

I'm sitting in my driveway with a sleeping Anna in the backseat...she passed out after a rather traumatic (for a toddler) well-baby check up. She escaped without shots, but it was terrifying enough to warrant piercing screams I guess. All is well, and I'm thrilled to actually use my new iPhone for more than the phone. Oh, how I wish I had this when we would drive around with Anna, willing her to sleep.

Her stats...
Weight: 21 pounds 15 ounces
Height: 31.5 inches (they measured incorrectly last month, so it seems she shrunk)
Head circumference: 19.25 inches

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Finally...Snow!

From our front door early last night.

It's our first REAL snow in southeast Michigan. It fell steadily and slowly yesterday, all day. I think we'll be spending some time outside this weekend. We have a sled that needs exercise...

...and, as Aunt Meg commented, we have a snowman that needs some plastic surgery!

Banana Quinoa Muffins

So, I have a bit of an obsession with quinoa these days. These banana quinoa muffins are ridiculously healthy, packed with protein, and pretty tasty. Yes, they'd be better with some added oil and chocolate chips, but if you're looking for a muffin you can feel good about giving your kid for breakfast, this is it. I adapted it slightly from a recipe I found on the back of box of Ancient Harvest Quinoa Flakes.

1/2 cup quinoa flour

1/2 cup quinoa flakes

2 tsp baking powder

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

3 very ripe bananas

2 eggs

2 tbsp honey

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix together all dry ingredients. In separate bowl, mash bananas. Stir beaten eggs and honey into bananas. Add wet mixture to dry ingredients. Pour into greased muffin tin. Bake for approximately 30 minutes or until toothpick inserted into center comes out clean. This makes about nine muffins if you fill the tins 3/4 full.

Needing Sleep

Last night I closed my eyes shortly after 8:30pm, and except for stirring when Blake came to bed, I didn't open them again until Anna woke at 5:30am. She slept through the night for the first time in weeks. I, quite literally, felt like a new woman this morning. I feel lighter and the world looks brighter. I NEEDED sleep. I am amazed how resilient we humans are...we can survive for weeks without getting our needs met. But, we cannot thrive.

This morning's good feeling reminded me of an article I wrote about needs for my monthly newsletter back when I was coaching. I thought I would include it here, for a little reminder to myself and a little inspiration to others. What am I taking away from the article, after reading it almost two years later? First, sleep is apparently one of my non-negotiable needs, at least if I want to be anything close to my best self. Second, I NEED to make sleep a priority. Of all the goals I have set for myself in the new year, this is probably the most important. After I finish this post, I am going to write down a specific goal and the action steps needed to achieve it.

Are Your Needs Being Met? Last week I had trouble sleeping. You know that cycle when you wake up at the same time every night for a week? Out of sound sleep, my eyes popped open. I rolled over to peek at the clock, willing it to whisper 6 a.m., or some reasonable time that tells me I slept through the night; instead, it screamed 2 a.m. It wailed 4 a.m. before I drifted back to sleep. This cycle can be damaging for someone like me; I need eight to nine hours of sleep for my body and mind to function optimally. After a few nights of waking at this dark hour, my days obviously suffered. I had difficulty focusing on my goals, I had less energy for exercise and cooking healthy meals, I was irritable, and I felt unmotivated to do some of the things that I normally feel passionate about. Sound familiar to anyone? I share this story to illustrate an important point: When one's basic needs are not being met, it becomes increasingly difficult to live in alignment with one's true self, one's higher purpose, or one's essence. So, if you find yourself "stuck," uninspired, or lacking motivation, you might want to ask yourself, "What are my needs, and which of these needs, if any, are not being met?" I invite you to look more closely at your needs this month by answering the above questions, while giving careful consideration to the unique nature of needs. Some needs are non-negotiable requirements for all of us to survive and even thrive: basic physiological needs like adequate sleep, food, and water. But we also have individually determined needs that may be different from the needs of others. For example, you may not need eight to nine hours of sleep, like me, to be well. And you may not need the daily "down time" that I demand after a busy day. But you may need regular social interaction, daily exercise, or 10 glasses of water per day. Identifying your needs and where they are unfulfilled is a powerful first step in understanding where you are now and why you might not be where you want to be relative to your goals. Once you become clear about your needs, you can begin taking steps to ensure those needs are attended to. A few things to remember when pondering your needs: Your needs don't have to make sense to anyone else but you...they are yours. So, try to hush those little voices that whisper "I shouldn't need this" or "She doesn't need this, why do I?" Your needs are not simply desires, although they may also be things you want. Your needs are not derived from the expectations or requirements of other people. ("I need to work 12-hour days to get this job done for Mark" is not what we're talking about here!) Once you identify unmet needs, you may wish to prioritize them. Which ones are most important to you right now? Which ones are non-negotiable? When you are ready, set small, manageable goals to support you in meeting one or two of your most critical needs first. Give yourself time. This is a process!

She Knows Who She Is

Anna turned 18 months old on January 2nd. This seems like a big turning point for me, even if it's just a number. The space between 12 months and 2 years seems so vast, and she's right in between, crossing the boundary between maybe-still-a-little-bit-baby and all-toddler.

She decided to use a spoon for her yogurt yesterday (with few spills or drips), without any warning or any practice that we witnessed. This seems to be her way, surprising us with skills we didn't know she had. A few weeks ago Anna started patting herself on the chest if you showed her a picture of herself. This weekend we asked her "What's your name?" and for the first time we heard her pipe back "Anna!" She's pretty excited about it...check it out.

The End and New Beginnings

Grandma brought a hat that Great Aunt Cindy made for Anna, which she quickly put on...all by herself!

We celebrated our final Christmas on Friday with Grandma and Grandpa Richards. Anna enjoyed their company, especially after a week of Rotavirus jail. She showed off her present opening skills again, and she officially has more than enough new toys to keep her busy until next Christmas. It feels like our house has morphed into a toy store over the last two weeks...a very disorganized toy store. The dining room, our usual receptacle for things that don't yet have a place, is full again with items to be put away. We made some progress on cleaning up today, pulling down most of the decorations, including the Christmas tree. The season has come to an end. Blake will be going back to work tomorrow. We'll get back to some semblance of a routine. And, over time, I'll get stuff put away.

Anna helped put away Christmas decorations and presents. She loved wearing the Santa hat, and she attached herself to my new pajama bottoms, which became her shawl for the evening.

I'm feeling overwhelmed with all of the STUFF though. My mind keeps fantasizing about uninterrupted days of organizing, reorganizing, and cleaning out. It amazes me sometimes how someone so fond of (ok, obsessed with) with de-cluttering can tolerate the ever-expanding junk drawer, Anna's clothes closet full of too-small shirts and dresses, the living out of laundry baskets, and the piles of papers silently screaming to be filed. Priorities have changed, of course, and this stuff doesn't make the top of the list most days. In the big picture, I know cleanliness isn't next to Godliness...BUT, my internal environment seems to mirror my external environment, so cleanliness does equal more clarity of mind. And, it gives the faintest sense of sanity when you're the mom of a toddler, and you feel utterly lacking in sanity!

Speaking of sanity, the vomiting and diarrhea ended. In a way, the timing was perfect. It stinks that Anna was sick over the holiday, but thankfully, Blake was here some of the time. Unfortunately, travel and sickness disrupted her sleep even more than before. We're still toggling between one nap and two, a transition which feels all too long. We also seem to have a very hungry little girl making up for lost calories who, at random intervals, makes the sign for "hurt" while patting her cheeks, suggesting that her threatening molars are not resting. I don't think I can hope for an end to the teething for a while, since the one year molars haven't even erupted.

So, with all of the ending, there are new beginnings. We start a new music class on Wednesday. If Anna's nap(s) shift, I'm hoping she and I can attend a story time at the local library on Tuesdays. I'm in goal setting mode, so I'm exploring some new classes at a gym not far from home and pondering how I might start and/or join a book club. Blake and I are delving into Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking, inspired after watching Julie and Julia over the holidays. I'm not far from finishing my first ever, albeit small, knitting project, and I have two new sewing/crafting books to explore. The list goes on, and I'm looking forward to all of it.

Happy New Year, Happy Snowman

After two days of not even stepping foot out of the house, we needed to get outside and play, even if it meant cleaning up puke or poop from a snowsuit. Yesterday it snowed just enough wet snow for us to FINALLY make a real snowman (meem) for Anna. Daddy rolled the enormous snowballs, picking up old leaves and grass on the way. Mr. Snowman looks like he has a few birthmarks or freckles...there just wasn't that much snow to work with!

Anna enjoyed watching the snowman come together right before her eyes.

I think it was just what the doctor ordered.